Goodbye Bill

This week we said goodbye to our old friend Bill. It’s hard to think of the words to express what it’s like to lose a fellow traveler in this life. Bill was a constant companion for me since I was 19 years old. We’ve been through it all together.

As a family we’ve been sharing our favorite Bill memories over the past few days. I’ve taken the kids to our favorite hiking spots in Chester, where Bill spend his youth, and told stories along the way. Here are some of the moments we want to remember:


• Bill showed up on a farm when he was just a pup, trailing behind a group of mutt Basset Hound/Cocker Spaniel pups (they looked as weird as they sound). He had to fight for his food on this farm and thus, developed a dislike (or some might say…deep rooted-hatred and angst) for any dog bigger than him. Even as a pup he would grow and attack anything bigger than him.

• Rufus, the Baker dog, a scruffy (and scrappy) terrier dog, dominated Bill from the very moment they met. This was the one and only dog we ever came across that did.

• If you said Bill’s name loudly or with any sort of anxiety in your voice, Bill would climb on top of you and howl, as if to say, “I’m right here!!! Don’t you see me?!?!”

• One day, when we lived in the green & pink house, we came home to find Bill standing on top of the kitchen table. We have no idea how he got there.

• He was the fastest puppy I’ve ever seen. For a while, we thought he was part greyhound. His little butt would tuck under and he would run crazy circles in our tiny yard.

• He leapt through Lake Superior waves like a deer in his youth.

• If I told him to do something, he would try his best out of loyalty. One time, as a joke I directed him to climb up a tree that had fallen (but was still at an angle very high up) and he went up so high that I stood under him with arms outstretched, feeling like a big jerk.

• He was my hiking companion until the arthritis got the best of him. We would hike for hours. He would run ahead, then stop and wait for me, smiling with love the entire time. We’d always stop for a bit and check out the views together, not needing to say a word.

• We’re pretty convinced that Bill and Riff thought Aidan was a baby squirrel when we brought him home from the hospital.

• Bill sat beside the crab apple tree, in a ray of sunshine, looking in on me in the living room while Nevie was making her way into the world. Every time I looked up and out the window, there he was, smiling at me, encouraging me with his big brown eyes. I felt his love so strong that day.

• Bill sat beside the birth tub, with his chin on the edge while Liam made his way into the world. Again he was smiling, this time with a bit more white around his eyes and mouth, and had a calm and loving presence that helped me through. After Liam was born and we were cozy on the mattress on the floor, Bill shared our take-out and nestled his head in my lap.

• Sometimes his lips would get folded under and he would look like he had no teeth. I liked to tell him to go get his dentures in.

• He had many songs written in his honor by his family. Most included his nicknames: Bill E. Ruben, Rubenator, Rubenaaahhhhtor (emphasis on a different syllahhhhhble), Ralph, Ralphie, Ralphie Rubenator, Bill-Bill.

• Sometimes his ears would flip up and stand straight up. Aidan and Nevie would say (in old man voice) “What?!?!? I can’t hear ya!”

• Bill would put his cute dog chin on the couch and ask permission to come up every day of his life. He would need both verbal permission and a pat on the couch to commence.

• Bill always needed to be by his people. If we were outside for one second, he was outside for one second. Even though his old bones hurt badly, he would walk up the stairs to be by everyone.

• He was the king of cozy spots. He loved cuddling with Nevie in her bed and would take up the entire length, leaving her with an inch of space and no covers.


Nevie wrote a song for Bill and Riff. Her spelling is adorable, but I will put the words in parentheses for easy reading:

Sun Risne (Rising)
Sun Rise, the Moon is up, the Moon is hie (high) and Risne (rising).
The Moon is hie (high) in the Sky.
The Moon sase (says) to the Sun, You are the best frind (friend) avre (ever).
OO that is so nise (nice), The Sun says you are tooooo.
I Love the Darknes, I Love the Litnis (Lightness).

Nevie says Bill is the sun and Riff is the moon. She says its okay to love the dark and the light.


I feel a sense of peace at his loss. I knew he had a good life, was well loved and that it was time to say goodbye. I didn’t have a hard cry until a few days after he was gone. I cried alone in the dark while nursing Liam for several nights, when I finally slowed down to think of my little pup and the journey we have been on together. I feel grateful to have had such a good friend, a fellow traveler, who thought I was extraordinary. This is a rare thing in life. I just hope he knew I thought the same of him.


Goodbye old friend.