Hands

In a span of one week, my hands have:

• Stroked baby mullet fuzz for one last time prior to big boy haircut.




• Drove a young mother away from her children to rid her body of the chemicals that will most likely end her life if not stopped, and surely end her mothering if not stopped.




• Pinched my inner thigh in attempts to not cry while I tell the young mother I can still see her real self that the drugs swallowed and believe in her ability to overcome them.




• Held a cell phone to my ear and said words like "squat", "lunges", "nipple stimulation" and "hula-hoop hips" while my 6 year old daughter plays along like we're playing cherades.




• Clutched a notebook that held a story authored by said-daughter about a unicorn killed for an exotic soup contest.




• Covered my gasping mouth when the page turned and revealed a picture of unicorn soup.




• Stroked an iv-ed hand and arm of a mother who is birthing a child who's smile she will never see.




• Wiped my own tears in attempts to let go of my own old traumas.




• Made fantastical spring creations in marathon weekend style to make up for distracted mothering.




• Typed away on computer that is eating away my life.




• Ran fingers thru very long 9 year old hair and reminded him to wear deodorant.




• Placed straw in nest boxes for chickens that won't lay for a long time just because I like to look at it.




• Slapped spandex-clad cheeks.




• Gave toddler an armpit attitude adjustment (it turns crabs into laughs).




• Held a million cups of coffee, my main ingredient of the week.




• Squeezed through impossibly small space between three car seats a million times to buckle-unbuckle 6 year old.




• Peeled the most eggs I ever have in my life.




• Pulled out some hair in frustration of power struggles, then realizing later some struggle was my own.




• Held impossibly huge toddler nursing at my breast.




• Outstretched fingers from long waving arms to hippy music in my living room.




• Lit 3 candles for 2 babies entering and one baby leaving this world.




• Clenched fists that pumping arms held during a ready-set-go mom/toddler race home.




• Prepared to wave goodbye with tearful eyes in wait of a trip for work & play.

My hands. My heart. May they always be connected.